I have recently been into writing, and looking up stuff on it on the internet. In my searches, I found the Bulwer-Lyton contest http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/ . Edward George Bulwer-Lytton is the author who gave us this infamous quote: "It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness." This is arguably the worst opening sentence of a novel, ever. It breaks every rule of writing, does not grab the reader in any way, and is just horribly difficult to read. The Bulwer-Lyton contest accepts all kinds of horrible entries in the same vain as the quote above.
Now, to The Eye of Argon. There is a link on the Bulwer-Lyton page here: http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~susan/sf/eyeargon/eyeargon.htm
That is the full transcription of the story. It is said to be the worst science fiction short story ever written. They say science fiction, but it's really fantasy... I don't see how they mix that up. Anyways, it is a horrible read. Misspellings, awful cliches and metaphors, extremely lengthy descriptions of mundane detail. There were multiple paragraphs describing things like the clothes a non-critical character is wearing, and as horrible as someone getting kicked in the balls a single time. It's just awful.
If anyone needs a good example of how NOT to write, or if you just want a good laugh, check this out. There's also another version where the guys from Mystery Science Theater 3000 interject in between lines. If you've ever seen that show, it's hilarious. It is the only bearable way that I'm able to get through this horrible story.
Let me know what you think.
The author seems to be under the impression he's writing poetry. Pretty brutal reading.
I couldn't get past the second paragraph...
Jesus Christ. I only got somewhat far into it BECAUSE of MST3K's comments. x_X One of the points of writing is to convey ideas and a story. You're kind of doing the very OPPOSITE by trying to ridiculously twist all these words to sound pretty. Especially when half the time "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG". Not to mention the spelling of words.
Still though, I've seen worse stories, but that's fan fiction made by fan-girls, so it's a completely different league.
EDIT: I...read it. All the way through... The MST3K comments were the only things that made it remotely bearable. Christ, I laughed my ass off at that shit. XD
lol, wow, I found "THE EYE OF ARGON" to be very interesting. It wasn't the story that interested me, it was how it was written. It was as if alot of the discriptions were unnessasairy for example:
Quote
His sagging flabs rolled like a tub of upset jelly, then compressed as he sucked in his gut in an attempt to conceal his softness.
Quote
The pathetic screeches of the shaman groveling in dejected misery upon the hand hewn granite laid pavement, worn smooth by countless hours of arduous sweat and toil
and yeah I don't think this guy had a spell check, as he said thw several times instead of the.
and...
Quote
Grignr threw his hands up to shield his face, and flung himself backwards upon his buttocks.
Made me lol.
I think i found a worse one
QuoteDoom: Repercussions of Evil
John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
Quote from: Matty_Richo on October 30, 2009, 03:34:42 AM
I think i found a worse one
QuoteDoom: Repercussions of Evil
John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
Thats really deep. Hopefully I'm not the only one to get it's message.
QuoteThe radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
Woooooowwwwww. Nough said.
Quote from: Mr Pwnage on October 30, 2009, 02:33:55 PM
QuoteThe radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
Woooooowwwwww. Nough said.
lol'd so !@#$ing hard.
Omg... I haven't read it yet... but just from Matty_Richo's quote... It sounds like a 6th grader could write a better story than this O_o
Quote from: DarkTrinity on October 30, 2009, 11:04:17 PM
Omg... I haven't read it yet... but just from Matty_Richo's quote... It sounds like a 6th grader could write a better story than this O_o
His quote was from a different story.
Quote from: Mr Pwnage on October 30, 2009, 02:33:55 PM
QuoteThe radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
Woooooowwwwww. Nough said.
Had me in a fit of giggles and laughter.
Quote from: EpicPhailure on October 31, 2009, 12:57:55 AM
Quote from: Mr Pwnage on October 30, 2009, 02:33:55 PM
QuoteThe radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
Woooooowwwwww. Nough said.
Had me in a fit of giggles and laughter.
And then Epic was a duck.
The end.
Quote from: Torch on October 30, 2009, 11:15:45 PM
Quote from: DarkTrinity on October 30, 2009, 11:04:17 PM
Omg... I haven't read it yet... but just from Matty_Richo's quote... It sounds like a 6th grader could write a better story than this O_o
His quote was from a different story.
Hmmm, than his should also be in the running for worst short story ever. lol
Haha. I'm glad other people appreciate this.
Chaos, I totally agree. I tried reading the copy with no comments on it and could not get past the first few sentences. Reading the Mystery Science Theatre version breaks up the awfullness into bite sized chunks.