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I am both grateful and saddened that I don't understand what he went through.  Coming from a loving family, both parents remaining married, financially set, religious ties, great friends, and a peaceful community, I know that I am very fortunate and "had the good life", enough to not be able to put myself in his shoes.  I wish I could understand what he was thinking, and I do feel enormous pity for being the victim of such a disgusting childhood.

All I can say is, you can always talk to someone.  Even if you don't think it will do anything, at the point that Bill was in, it couldn't have made it any worse.

The Agonizing Last Words of Bill Zeller

A long read, I know, but do yourself the favor and read it all, grant this man his final wish.

Wow... Yeah, that was a long read, but it was worth it... I can't relate to his life in anyway, but good lord... the poor guy :/

That shit was pretty intense.

There goes my happy mood.. for those who think it was TL;DR, *insert foul language* and read it.

What a shitty life.

I couldn't even disagree with anything he said. None of it.

Quote from: EpicPhailure on January 06, 2011, 09:57:41 PM
I couldn't even disagree with anything he said. None of it.

Agreeing. I'm studying to be a psychologist/counselor/psychiatrist (whichever one appeals more) and I really have any way of disagreeing, at all. I'm one of those people who believe suicide is selfish and that it is wrong, but after that, I don't know what to think.

I guess my only confusion about this is... If he was planning on committing suicide anyways, why didn't he at least try talking to someone about what he was going through... I know he said he couldn't trust anyone to keep it a secret, but if he was writing all this and planning to tell the whole world anyways, I guess I don't see why he didn't try talking to someone before he died. It may not have helped, but it couldn't have hurt either since he ultimately knew he wanted to end his life anyways...

Quote from: DarkTrinity on January 07, 2011, 01:03:45 PM
I guess my only confusion about this is... If he was planning on committing suicide anyways, why didn't he at least try talking to someone about what he was going through... I know he said he couldn't trust anyone to keep it a secret, but if he was writing all this and planning to tell the whole world anyways, I guess I don't see why he didn't try talking to someone before he died. It may not have helped, but it couldn't have hurt either since he ultimately knew he wanted to end his life anyways...

Again, I'll say I have no idea what is going through his head due to the experiences he'd encountered in his past, but I can imagine that the thought process went something along the lines of, "Why bother?"  Typically, when it gets to the stage of attempting suicide, my understanding is that at that point, nothing matters.  Why waste his time on something when he could just end it, especially if he is so determined that nothing can help. 

It's a situation where I have mixed emotions of "I have no sympathy", along with "That is truly unfortunate".  Had he gone and seen someone and put aside his trust issues, it is very likely that I wouldn't have had this to post.  At the same time, I am of the mindset that what he was about to do is half-hearted and his own damn fault.  Sure, he can attribute the darkness within to those who had harmed him during his childhood, but to do nothing but bottle it up until it explodes is not his parents fault, that isn't even the perpetrator's fault, that's his and his alone. 

That is why I know that I can advocate talking to people, but at the final moments of his life, or anyone who experiences similar thoughts, why would they bother when they've worked themselves up to ending it anyways?

Quote from: Scotty on January 07, 2011, 01:51:02 PMIt's a situation where I have mixed emotions of "I have no sympathy", along with "That is truly unfortunate".

I just have to point out, the feeling of "That is truly unfortunate" actually is sympathy. The first emotion you are talking about is empathy. You can't empathise with him because you do not feel the same way he does, but you can sympathise with him in that you feel bad for his situation.

Quote from: Lingus on January 07, 2011, 02:08:32 PM

Quote from: Scotty on January 07, 2011, 01:51:02 PMIt's a situation where I have mixed emotions of "I have no sympathy", along with "That is truly unfortunate".

I just have to point out, the feeling of "That is truly unfortunate" actually is sympathy. The first emotion you are talking about is empathy. You can't empathise with him because you do not feel the same way he does, but you can sympathise with him in that you feel bad for his situation.

I present to everyone the ever-wise Grandpa Ling-Ling!  Thank you sir, you are correct.

Thank you for posting that. I can truly relate to Zeller, although I was never sexually abused, I was physically and mentally abused by my father to the point where I was afraid of him until I was thirteen. For years as a kid I was constantly angry, and I couldn't understand why. I was angry at myself, I was angry at everything and everyone. After my parents divorced, I became even more socially awkward, and eventually lost contact with almost all of my childhood friends. I really did feel a darkness in me, there's no other word to describe it.

I used to lay there at night, staring up at my ceiling, and wishing that I just couldn't feel anymore. I had repeated thoughts of suicide, or Zeller's fantasy's about dying in some honorable or accidental way. I finally told him how afraid I was of him, just blurted it out during a conversation we were having about the divorce, and ever since then things have only gone uphill. Because of this I highly recommend sharing your problems with people. It doesn't have to be professional help, just don't bottle it up inside. But that takes courage, and if I had gone through twenty three years instead of thirteen, I wouldn't have cared anymore either.

I love my life now, I'm utterly spoiled and lucky, and I appreciate every part of it. I just felt like sharing a sort of success story, I guess. However deep the hole you're in, however much the darkness crowds and suffocates you, don't give up. I'm sorry that Zeller, as hard as he tried, just couldn't find something or someone to pull him out of his darkness.

R.I.P Bill Zeller.

Quote from: Lucifer on January 07, 2011, 07:39:03 PM
Thank you for posting that. I can truly relate to Zeller, although I was never sexually abused, I was physically and mentally abused by my father to the point where I was afraid of him until I was thirteen. For years as a kid I was constantly angry, and I couldn't understand why. I was angry at myself, I was angry at everything and everyone. After my parents divorced, I became even more socially awkward, and eventually lost contact with almost all of my childhood friends. I really did feel a darkness in me, there's no other word to describe it.

I used to lay there at night, staring up at my ceiling, and wishing that I just couldn't feel anymore. I had repeated thoughts of suicide, or Zeller's fantasy's about dying in some honorable or accidental way. I finally told him how afraid I was of him, just blurted it out during a conversation we were having about the divorce, and ever since then things have only gone uphill. Because of this I highly recommend sharing your problems with people. It doesn't have to be professional help, just don't bottle it up inside. But that takes courage, and if I had gone through twenty three years instead of thirteen, I wouldn't have cared anymore either.

I love my life now, I'm utterly spoiled and lucky, and I appreciate every part of it. I just felt like sharing a sort of success story, I guess. However deep the hole you're in, however much the darkness crowds and suffocates you, don't give up. I'm sorry that Zeller, as hard as he tried, just couldn't find something or someone to pull him out of his darkness.

R.I.P Bill Zeller.

The ironic (is that a correct use of that word?) thing is that now that it's too late, there are tons of people all over the internet who want to help him. It really is a shame he never communicated his thoughts so well earlier.

Quote from: Yankyal on January 06, 2011, 09:42:07 PM
What a shitty life.

It's a good thing you have no empathy or sympathy for people who kill themselves, otherwise you'd feel like shit right now knowing this guy lived 23 years of hell. The fact that you showed your face in this topic is a mockery to this mans memory... Could someone please ban this kid? Please?

Reading things like this only furthers my conviction that people who commit suicide often are living in their own personal hell that they feel they cannot escape from. Even if suicide seems like a bad choice to us, we need to realize the pain they are going through before making judgments about how they should have sought help, or not been so selfish as to kill themselves. When deeply troubled, such as this man, people don't always make logical decisions. That doesn't mean we shouldn't have sympathy for them and at least try to feel a little empathy towards their predicament.

R.I.P. Bill Zeller

I wish I never read that...

Quote from: Hikarikuen on January 07, 2011, 09:28:33 PM
The ironic (is that a correct use of that word?) thing is that now that it's too late, there are tons of people all over the internet who want to help him. It really is a shame he never communicated his thoughts so well earlier.

It could have potentially made his life worse, like he thought it would.